In the past week, my husband and I have traveled to two other adoption agencies (this is 3 total we have visited and about 20 that I have called or talked too). I was really leaning towards Agency A as it is the largest in the US and has about 400 birthmoms and about 300 Adoptive Couples. I figured we would get matched quicker. However, Agency A is also the most expensive at $17,000 not including the homestudy fees, attorney fees, travel etc etc etc.... Did I mention that adoption costs average $25,000-$30,000. That was something I was shocked to find out when we first started our journey. I have no idea how we are going to come up with that amount but I have to have faith and hope that God and the good ole Universe will provide (of course not without hard work/fundraising/etc).
So after visitng Agency A, I left with a different feeling than I did before we had arrived. I was 95% sure we were going with Agency A before the visit and just really confused after we left. So because we were really unsettled, we decided to visit Agency B a few days later. I wasn't expecting much as I was kind of deflated. I really had expected that "This is the one feeling" with Agency A and I didn't have it. I was lost. Unsure. Sad.
So we walked into Agency B and didn't expect much. Not that Agency B was bad, but that we were feeling a little down and doubtful about adoption. I think I read once that there will always be many times that you doubt adoption because most people don't grow up thinking they will adopt. That the process is daunting. Most kids think- boy meets girl (or boy meets boy or girl meets girl), they fall in love, get married and have kids....
I digress. My mind is all over the place. lol This is where my son gets it from. I always say he is like Doug from the movie Up....."Squirrel!" You all know what I mean. So we sat at Agency B and chatted. It was a comfortable chat and like talking to a friend I've known for a long time. I instantly trusted her. I told her my concern with her agency is that it would take longer to match and that Agency A seems to have more options (older children), but I was so confused. Both Agency A and Agency B both say wonderful things about each other which is always nice. One thing the woman at Agency B said to me that really resonated was "Who do you want to be with you through this journey? Adoption is a journey and not for the faint of heart." With that one statement, I got it! It was the ah-ha moment I was waiting for since our diagnosis. I have/had been so focused on statistics (birthmoms vs adoptive families, reclaim rate, costs) that I forgot about the actually journey. I was worried about picking the wrong agency because most require money upfront.
Another thing I hear from all Agency's is that "Your child will find you!" I kept thinking, what if I pick the wrong agency, how will she find us?! Told ya I analyze alot ;) Then Agency B said to me "Don't worry, she will find you no matter what!" I have to trust the bigger picture and trust that God and the Universe know what lies ahead for us. Easier said than done.
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